May 2013
10 posts
1 tag
It really sucks always reading far to deeply into things. Is this a girl thing? A writer thing? A human thing? Whatever it is, I’d gladly give it up to not see things that may not be there. If I was seeing useful shit like the future or ghosts or thought ballons over people’s heads, I’d be fine. Instead, I see conversation changes or implications that may not be there. I see...
3 tags
It’s that heart stutter as butterflies flutter that reminds you that you’re alive. It’s the tangible tension and wantings unmentioned that sparks a special kind of desire. When you want to breach the barrier and reach across the table to grab hold and never let go. It’s the memories of messages coursing through your veins, words whispered that leave stains on your soul. It’s rereading, replaying,...
3 tags
With a glimmer of hope, rather than feeling fulfilled, I feel depleted. I feel that final strand pulled taught, ready to unravel at any moment. Hope is in the air, yet my heart is a black hole of despair - hopeless, used, unloved. It was bite-size bliss wrapped in a cellophane kiss, my mind screaming questions unasked as I found myself lost in your smile. It’s so easy to confuse passion...
There are days, moments in time, when I am robbed of every gasping breath because of how potently I miss you. These are the days when I lock my phone away so I cannot suck you into my madness again because it isn’t fair to you. It isn’t right to play with your heart as though it were a toy, because as much as I feel I need you in this moment, I cannot promise you the moment after...
2 tags
I can’t stop the wheels from turning, my heart from yearning, my veins from burning because at every pause in the commotion, I’m reminded of your face. There’s a sudden silence and I hear your voice whispering from memories I’m trying to bury, but even six feet under you’re gripping ravenously at my heart. What I wouldn’t give to forget the day we met…...
2 tags
I have this burning desire nuzzled against my heart, screaming desperately to crawl within your arms. Just to lie there for a staggered breath or two and pretend and dream that I belong somewhere. I feel like a dozen detached flower petals floating helplessly downstream with the frigid memory that the last petal plucked was a tear stained loves-me-not. I’m losing my grip on the...
2 tags
I feel like a broken record with my hopes and dreams and wants and wishes which all revolve around you. I feel I’ve said again and again that I long for you, yearn for you, pine for your touch. Your lips flutter deliciously across my mind and I die inside knowing I’ll never taste the nectar of your kiss. Remissed, I dream, scheming of things to say or do to win your heart. Instead I...
2 tags
All I think of
every thought
is falling into you
crashing into you
I need to feel your arms around me
become enveloped within the folds of your warmth
inhale you scent
your essence
until I melt into you
become one with you
gasping breathlessly
together
3 tags
And yet I still melt in your presence and dissolve in your absence. My mind is consumed by you, dreams filled with you as I chase, ever chasing you through dreamscapes. It’s unnerving to be so thoroughly permeated by your essence. I catch whiffs of your scent though you’ve yet to press your skin against me. I feel reality slipping away as I slide deeper down the rabbit hole. ...
April 2013
11 posts
1 tag
I’m almost done with this semester. I have my biology exam next Friday. TEAS and speech exams the following Thursday. A math project and final due whenever I get to it in the next few weeks and about three more essays for English. Then I have two to three weeks off. I want to put the finishing touches on The Katy Effect and send it off to agents. I also want to read John Dies at the End...
1 tag
When I was in therapy, I realized that my ‘problems’ go much farther back than an abusive ex husband who murdered me. The speculative man sitting across from me called it “The Missing Chapter,” something every adopted child deals with. Despite my amazing parents, I have deep-seeded abandonment issues because “daddy never loved me.” How fucked up is that?...
1 tag
Gasp, you’ve stolen my breath without a second thought and I’m left choking in the absence of your air.
Purumph, but you’ve taken my heart or did I hand it over due to imagined attraction that was never there.
Tears, because I’ve fooled myself again, let my mind wander again, allowed myself to dream once again.
Six years of my life. It’s amazing how much of it I had blocked out. Today, I find myself feeling the pain of all six years.
Just friends, as though the alternative were absurd. I’m fine with this, I am, but I ache in so many other ways. “You really don’t have much self-esteem.” Well how could I? For six years I was told I was ugly, fat, worthless, and weak. I...
1 tag
I wish I could forget you and walk away unscathed. I wish I could turn my thoughts from you, but you are all consuming. You already hold my heart, though I doubt I ever cross your mind. I would love to tell you how I feel, but I don’t want to suffer through the pain of your rejection. After all, how could you like me, let alone love me, when I don’t measure up, when I’m not...
If only I could keep you safe, grasp you tightly in my arms, holding the demons at bay.
2 tags
For two days I’ve been seconds away from calling you to confess. I’ve all but given up on you speaking first, but I cannot live in silence, bottling the entirety of my being inside. You must feel the wanting rolling off me in waves or smell the desire on my staggered, nervous breaths. Perhaps you hear your name within my throbbing heartbeat.
Love, I fear I will not last the week.
1 tag
In searching for myself I’ve lost who I once was. Now I’ve lost myself in your gaze, dreaming of becoming lost within your arms.
2 tags
I have the moment scripted, though it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. I’ve been told I write dialogue flawlessly, but that’s only because I run though fantasies over and over in my mind, like watching a movie until you memorize the lines. I want the fantasy to be perfect, believable, flawless. So I picture that moment.
We’ve hugged goodbye and I turn toward the...
2 tags
The only place I want to be is wrapped up in your arms. Instead I lie here dreaming of all the things I wish to say, all the scenes I’d like to play out with you. Oh, how my heart swoons, gasping for the breaths you’ve stolen. Sweet thief of my heart, take what you will. Steal a kiss from these lips, so wanting and ready. Lay claim upon me so I can at last stop dreaming and start...
1 tag
I imagine there must be something wrong with me. Something so vile that to touch me would cause the skin to dissolve or limbs to fall off. Something that cannot be ignored. If only someone would let me in on this secret or perhaps I’m simply invisible.
My heart aches as my body shakes in painful tremors that have shattered my defenses. The spring air feels bitterly cold as I lay in bed...
March 2013
15 posts
I want to date. I don’t have time to date. Too conservative for a fuck buddy. Too emotional for a friendly snuggle. Fuck everything.
2 tags
I must harden my heart against you, love, lose you in the forbidden forest before I’m left searching for the light.
2 tags
I shouldn’t miss you like I do in the absence of your indifference. Your avoidance and intentional naivety leave me hollow, empty in your wake. You have a hold on me, your barbs implanted in my heart as you haunt my dreams and fill my fantasies, I’ve nothing to think of but you. Darling, how I yearn for your touch, a subtle brush of your fingers or the lingering flavor of your...
2 tags
She awakes and decides to hate the world. Perhaps she dreamed of her brother, lost to the world to soon. Perhaps she dreamed of a better life, one where she isn’t a child, but a woman who acts her age. Perhaps she dreamed of things unseen, unheard but certainly dancing behind opaque curtains. She wanders about, a heart filled with hate, wishing for those she’s scorned to grovel at...
Media vita in morte sumus
“In the midst of life we are in death” I need this on my body, but where?
2 tags
I wish I was one of the pretty girls, the kind that takes your breath away and silences a crowded room. I want to hold everyone’s attention as my eyes are fixated upon yours and yours alone. I want to turn heads as I approach you, watching your lips tremble in anticipation. I want to stop your heart with a touch, permeating your subconscious with a kiss. But mostly, I just want to be...
1 tag
I should just tell him I like him. Then I can either deal with the rejection or get to the inevitable break up. I should just tell him so I can start healing already.
2 tags
I’m going to ask him to hold me. I’m going to tell him that I’m overwhelmed, drowning in burdens. I’m going to tell him that I was trained to not show emotions, that affection was a bother. I’m going to explain how I always have a brave face on, that I cry in secret, and the pressure of needing to be perfect has chiseled away at my sanity far more than I’d...
2 tags
I must refrain from breaking the chaotic rhythm that has become my life because as soon as I step out of the cacophony of responsibilities my heart shatters into a thousand pieces and every time I lose a shard or three and I forget how to breathe and I come undone and the seams. The quiet has become my enemy for when there aren’t a million and one things on my mind, the only bits left to...
2 tags
It’s just an aching pocket of lonely pressing against my heart every time I think about that unoccupied space next to you and I let my mind wander to dreams of things that could never happen no matter how much I want it, how much I will it, how much I’d kill for a minute within your arms, against your chest to hear if your heartbeat is as hollow as my own.
2 tags
For four hours, I stopped wanting you, stopped needing you, stopped craving you. For four hours the earth resumed its comforting rotation, constellations floating aimlessly above. For four hours, my life returned to normal, then all of my dreams and desires flooded my mind and heart once again and here I sit, metaphorical pen in hand, scratching my wishlist on the inside of my skull, biting my...
1 tag
I’m Catholic (let the hate begin).
This week in my English class, I have to write an essay on marriage. The choice of topics include arranged marriage, what makes a ‘good marriage’ and gay marriage. I posted something to this effect on facebook. One of my Catholic facebook ‘friends’ commented, “Be bold and defend the Catholic teachings on marriage.” ...
2 tags
I want to be the itch in your brain that scratches at your skull, that nagging tickle that can only be relieved once fully explored. I want to be the daydream that plays on repeat until you’re quoting my unspoken lines in your sleep. I want to be the thoughts that creep and seep into you veins, combining with your blood until I’m beating in your heart. I want to be your frustrated sigh...
2 tags
He’s a dying star under a cloudless sky. My fingertips burning as they grasp helplessly to his dwindling frame. I breathe life into him, my lips pressed again his, parched and wanting. I pour nectar down his throat, fists pounding against his chest. ‘Live,’ I scream. ‘Breathe,’ I cry. But he turns away, only willing to see the dawn as the end of his life instead of a...
2 tags
Do you see me, the naked flesh of my soul splayed before you, burning for you. Do you see my heart beating erratically at your voice, hands trembling at your laughter? Do you see my longing, my daydreams, my fantasies of future days wasting away on fallacies? Do you see my quivering lips whispering wishes to sip on your essence? Do you see any of this?
Do you even see me?
February 2013
16 posts
3 tags
Do I resonate within you, dearest? Am I the catch in your breath or the tremble upon your stuttering lips? Do you wish for me, lovely? Are there whispers of my name on dreary nights? Do I rest within thoughts and dreams or brush against the seams of your tattered heart? Do I quake against your rhythm, darling? Am I a sigh beneath the moonlight?
Is my imprint scarred upon your flesh, my love?...
2 tags
There needs to be an off switch for how I feel about you. Something to stop the thoughts, stop the memories, the fantasies, the aches.
I don’t want to care anymore. I don’t want to feel this emptiness in the space you never occupied. You don’t deserve this power you have over me. No one does, but alas, here you are with bloody fingers, squeezing the beats from my heart as though...
3 tags
Vampires drink blood Zombies eat brains And if I was a zombie I’d devour your pains But instead of zombies We’re Valentines And so for today I shall call you mine Because a man who loves books, Scary movies and gore Is a man that I Could easily adore So if you want to make out A little bit, that’s cool Or we could go swimming In your subzero pool Or we could write stories Of viscera and sinew As...
neroxxvii asked: Is the stitches and staples book yours?
Watchbuddhas-belly:
Please excuse my face..
-ahem- anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful valentine’s day :)
Lilly’s blog
2 tags
Tomorrow I could tell you I love you, scribble scratches of my heart’s longings. I could profess my dreams and tell of my wishes, my fantasies, all of which revolve around you. I could speak sonnets and soliloquies of burning passion, fervent desires for your touch, your kiss, for you.
Tomorrow I could bleed out my secrets and hand you my heart with trembling fingers, warily watching that...
2 tags
Today’s a day where sad songs play even after the music stops. Today’s a day of regrets and heartache, heartbreaking beats that shatter my defenses. Today’s a day of clandestine tears, stifled prayers, and curtailed dreams. Today’s a day to hide away, imagine better days and bury myself in fantasies I know will never come true.
That’s the saddest thing too,...
2 tags
I feel as though I’m going to shatter at any moment. I don’t know if I can stand the burden of stress that is resting upon my shoulders. I’m walking with my chin inches from the ground ready to collapse at the slightest gust of wind.
Just hold me tight and tell me I don’t have to be strong tonight.
1 tag
Love is an awakening to fears you never thought existed, pleasures you never dreamed of, and doubts you were confident you were above.
2 tags
Echoes, echoes, echoes bouncing off my skull as I scribble helplessly on the walls with all the things I’d never say.
Dreaming, always dreaming of fantasies and things that seem so close but painfully far away.
Wanting, needing, craving the shattered perfection of you in every little thing you do that takes my breath away.
Longing, yearning, pining for just one tender kiss to taste the flavor...
2 tags
And without fail my mind turns to you in everything I do. I can’t help but wonder if you ever think of me. If even in the quiet moments in between distractions, you let your mind wander and it wanders right to me in the same way my heart has left me and wandered off to you. Embrace it gently, darling, and keep it safe. Keep it away from the flames of pain and disgrace. Keep it under glass,...
2 tags
I want to be with you tonight, and while tangled sheets and exposed skin are a part of my fantasies, moans and screams are not. I want to be wrapped in your arms, running my fingers through your hair. I want to listen to you speak and watch your lips as they curve around each syllable, feeling you twine around my heart. I want to inhale your essence and absorb your scent into my skin. I want you,...
4 tags
I could write infinite sonnets about your lips, begging you to hush my rhymes with one kiss.
The beckoning pout of a peach so sweet, teasing of a delicious nectar yet known. The smile that beams bright streams through my heart and it screams wanting to leap from my chest into yours. That smile. Oh, how I pine for that smile. How I stir, how I yearn, how I burn for that smile. And I wake each day...
2 tags
I loved you once faerie dust and fairy tales wishes and dreams and the future ahead love lust passion
I loved you twice strands of hope breaking down hunger and desperation and fading stregth anger exhaustion loss
I hated you but there was nothing left nowhere to go, nowhere to sleep and I quit long before I...
