October 2011
51 posts
2 tags
I feel
lonely lost and broken in the presence of those I love withering away lonely
I feel
lonely simply because I have no one to call my own when I lay down lonely
I feel
lonely without dreams to hold onto as I drift to sleep someone to hold lonely
I feel
lonely cold and abandoned but at the end of the day no matter how lonely
I feel
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Days like today when I’m carrying a thousand burdens only forty-two of which are my own I wish I had you to keep me strong you were so often my strength my backbone in times of despair you knew my heart was too big for me to bear you’d whisper sweetly that everything would be alright and my wary tears glistened in the moonlight and I believed you every...
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It’s an odd feeling giving up on love and I know I’ve said this before and failed because my heart rules my universe
there’s a certain solemnity an abrupt calm as my brain yells at my heart to stop it’s nervous flutterings
that girl you met wasn’t me only a fractured piece that so few have seen dingy hotel room and uncleaned sheets and for a brief moment in...
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I wanted you to have my body just my flesh and nothing more but you begged me to stay as we laid there bare dripping with our passion and you ran your fingers through my hair I caressed your chest with my hands the rock hard body my nails had been digging into moments before and I was torn fighting my hearts beating as it tried to find rhythm with yours ...
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I love you like the morning dew loves the dawn for filling it with glowing radiance and the way the grass loves the dew for holding on tightly as daylight tries to draw it away begging it to stay but knowing in a few short hours together again they will lay under shimmering stars and vibrant moonlight the dew will twinkle with delight as the grass swoons...
1 tag
And Then There Was Nothing
I.
There I sat on off-white linen sheets with my options for escape laid neatly before me the blade though it would simply leave a mess to clean for the few people that actually love me the pills though I could just end up in the hospital with explanations to be given and time to be served the keys to my car contemplating the nearby bridge swift and efficient with no hope of...
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Loving hands turned evil as malicious caresses fracture trust and minds spirits broken as innocents fall into the pits of the vile and scorned all hope is lost within them robbed of a childhood robbed of love all their faith in life love and happiness has been stolen by those they depended on most yet beauty glistens in the...
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Wave upon wave of confrontation I break like crest falling into the abyss of my inability to save them save myself save anyone I’ll write these for you hoping they meet your gaze just for a moment so you know I care but in the end it’s just words you can’t see my bleeding wrists I’ve cut open to pour out my heart for you too much heart too much...
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The worst kind of helplessness is when your loved ones are suffering and there’s nothing you can do to help words fall on deaf ears embraces do not penetrate their icy flesh no love can save them as they are swallowed by their misery drowning alone while you stand by watching them dissolve into sea foam washed away with the heartless tide
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I hate that you still cross my mind without reason or rhyme just suddenly you’re there and I hate that when your face appears I remember all the nights we spent lying together talking about everything and nothing and it was the best part of my day I hate that you still tear at my heart ripping me apart until I’m down on my knees fighting the urge to call you and...
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My heart is split in two half for him and half for you both sides aching as the daggers continually plunge in at every recollection of happiness’ fleeting retreating with your fleeing footsteps I feel it beating I feel it bleeding but it’s a surreal feeling barely existential as it lives separately in two worlds far from my own
someday the...
Cerebral Blowjob = Mind blowing
Mmhmm…
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I’m tired of being me I’m tired of my mind grant me reprieve from this hell I’ve created provide me with an internal calm as though I’m under the palms of the sandy shore I long for before I lose faith in life in love in everything that allows me to live my life
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I will never understand my heart nor have the power to control it altered rhythms unexpectedly when I’m feeling fine when I feel alive then suddenly everything shifts and I melt in pains unexplainable the only explanation is that I’m not yours and I wish I was
but I need to find comfort in solitude
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You loved me for a brief moment in time I was yours and you were mine I could see it in your eyes and that half slanted grin as you directed all of your attention to me but something changed we got too close you became afraid or maybe you thought that we could never be perhaps it was simply the demons of your past haunting the corners of your mind ...
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Sometimes when I’m laying down to go to sleep I push everything from my mind the only thing I focus on is wishing your arms were around me wishing to hear your heartbeat with my head upon your chest wishing I was close enough to hear you breathe that’s how I survive the colder nights wishing you were mine while you’re barely aware that I’m alive
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I sit here alone with nothing but the whirring sounds of the computer that has become my life the mini-fridge filled with bubbly escape and my heartbeat pounding its stuttering confused song of loss and heartache and regret this life no longer makes sense what should be is not and what I want is not what I need and I’m repeating this pattern of...
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This is my comfortable sweatshirt with my Irish heroes and their prayer printed upon it it’s worn with holes from too much love too much wear and tear and falling asleep staining the sleeves with tears it’s not as confining as my other sweatshirts the hood fits right and the cuffs hang low my therapist accused me of having other reasons for wearing...
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What If
What if we could love without hesitation trust without a hint of doubt follow with sure footing
What if we could walk away without regret survive without strife live without fear
What if the actions of others didn’t affect our hearts and minds causing doubt and pain where before there was none
What if we could all live with the...
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Take my hand let me lead you toward the light because you cannot see yourself through the clouds in your mind my dearest, I love you infinitely more than you love yourself because you doubt and question every positive remark whispered your way but I promise you this every breath to pass these lips will always be seeped in truth let it linger on your skin and...
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Because this is what I do self destruction in extremes I cannot stand the sun for too long and in the pouring rains I melt like an ivory sculpture only under overcast skies do I thrive seeking either end of the spectrum rather than
nothing
and when I reach that pinnacle or cavern’s bottom the bomb detonates and I retreat to my sinful ways reflecting in the...
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Cotton prison I am confined by collars and cuffs strangled I tug and pull fabric constricting my air I can’t breathe panic panic panic and I tear at the threads praying for relief but even as I collapse to the floor they tangle around my body I’m downing panic panic panic and I tear at the folds twisting...
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Struggling to walk on these new feet I’m wearing stumbling through conversation unsure and awkward but let’s face it I’m awkward anyway the walls around my heart are as thick as the wall of China is long and I can feel their reinforced steel at every sweet word you utter I walk through this doors without sight I feel along these corridors...
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I know you don’t believe in love, baby and truth be told neither do I but maybe together we can find all those fairy tales we write about we can live out those scenes we scoff at in the movies we watch I’m not talking happily ever after no this is no Notebook romance where you wait years and years writing letters everyday hoping I choose you no I’m talking...
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What if I told you I steal secret glances of you when you aren’t paying attention or scribble your name your last and my first on random scraps of paper
What if I told you you’re on my mind from morning to night thinking up dreams of things I want to make reality with you
What if I told you I’ve fallen in love with all the finite pieces of...
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Does my heart not matter in this equation?
Where you think you can come and go as you please without me so much as batting a tearful eye and I cry every time every fucking time when you flitter in and disappear without a goodbye leaving me broken and wondering why
Why does it still hurt? Why do I try? Why can’t you let me go when my heart still holds on tight?
I still catch glimpses of...
Kara: Ouch
Me: What happened?
Kara: I hurt my feelings.
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The people I love are fighting the bloody battle to keep me alive while I sit on the outskirts sabotaging the war one pull filled with regret one flick remorse floods my veins drag by drag it all disappears until the remains are thrown to the ground with my shame and I think of their disappointment as my demons win again
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For so many I have been a body lips hands flesh I’ve granted satisfaction in its most superficial form waves of pleasure that don’t last for long just once
just once
let me be more love my heart for its unique and addicting rhythm that will tattoo is notes on your mind love my soul for all its scars and wisdom untold...
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Put your fingers to the keys again Make me see heaven with your hands I’m hot for the all ways You use words as foreplay Write me something naughty Leave me shocked, loaded and cocked One night stand in a textbox Glow up the room Till it’s burning blue I’ll be your sextoy, babydoll And your Hemingway too Pavlov’s response with every ringtone As juices rush I breathe longing moans My mouth waters...
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Did someone drug me?
I cannot focus fairies and lights dancing before my eyes am I high? is this real life?
someone save me from this haze
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I wrote poems for you on scraps of paper then tucked them away so they’ll never see the light of day they are hidden now where I can’t even find them but scribbled there was everything I wanted to say to you and more things that may never pass my lips but these thoughts can no longer crowd my dizzy mind it’s hard enough just keeping track...
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Too much today, too much!!
Emotional highs and lows, swaying with the mighty wind blows. One minute I’m down on the ground begging and pleading, the next I’m soaring unaware of my palms bleeding. And the work comes but never goes, stacks increasing completing my woes. I just want to lay down and tap out, but hopefully my efforts will count for something. Five more hours to go until I’m home in my bed to pretend like I’m...
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That's what she said
Put it in press it between my lips you’re my craving my desire I lust for your high just one more time let’s play this game again you’re killing me slowly but I can’t get enough
after today I’m done
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I need to heal I need to feel all the things I’ve buried buried deep beneath the floors of my consciousness but my subconscious feels the agony living in the fear of more pain and I awake in tears flooded with memories of things waking me had filed away but they attack me in the night
I need to heal I need to feel all the things I’ve buried ...
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I hate that I need you but you’ve no need for me but more that I need you at all this isn’t my first fall into the abyss of the unattainable drained of all my essence because now I only think of you letting it stew and fester beneath my skin within the shattered walls of my being seeing is believing and I believe I see it in my eyes for I stood...
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Slit wrists and painted lips polished chipped on the fingers wrapped ‘round her swishing hips as she struts the corridor they stop and stare wondering how this fair maiden wound up there a sly wink before she blows a kiss throwing her head back releasing a cackling laugh that only draws them toward her the gleam in her eyes they’ve all...
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Maybe if I wear sweaters this winter someone will...
Look into my eyes they change color when I cry knowing all you’ve noticed of me are my peaks and valleys I’ve been told my smile can light up a room but it doesn’t brighten the darkness as you let your hands wander to what you desire most and you leave with a goodnight kiss on my cheek taking one last peek at the flesh you just conquered leaving me to wait ...
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Hush, thoughts I don’t want your whispers today just grant me a few brief hours of uninterrupted serenity I don’t need your flashbacks of happy moments lost echoes of that voice that still haunts my dreams leave my waking heart to rest in peace because we both know she only meets grief in my sleep I can’t handle the...
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Soon cabin fever will set in as the winter shuts our doors and traps us within these confining walls too small this room suffocates me so blow by blow the wind shakes my core and sanity is escaping through the cracks in the floor and I see the wallpaper is peeling revealing a sickly yellow beneath creeping into my psyche suddenly everything is dirty even...
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Unlucky in love yet rich with experience as I’m collecting letters stamped another lesson learned yet the yearning continues searching through foggy windows for that someone who makes perfect sense in my life I’m not looking for completion nor a reason to live simply some who gives me one more reason to smile and once in awhile (more if I’m...
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My sheets are streaked with the black stained tears from all the nights I cried myself to sleep over you I wash them repeatedly but the night wants to remind me of the pain my mind plays the game as well recollecting the moments that fell through the cracks of my shattered memory and suddenly I am brought to my knees remembering something sweet you once said ...
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I hold your sweet words close to my heart as I fall asleep pretending they are mine and mine alone but I know you whisper them to others as well and I know I’ve done this many times before but your sugar coated rhymes are like cocaine to my heart to my soul to the love I’ll never hold and I dream that someday that will change but in the meantime I’ll...
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Be My Zombie Hug
Be my zombie hug my love and embrace me until I can feel it warm my blood infect me with your touch your lips against my neck yearning teeth just beyond I feel it now a slow change leading to the death of who I am but once reanimated in your light I know I will shine brighter because you will be glimmering in the specks in my eyes be my...
