Every once in awhile I slip under the waves and I would love to simply lay limp and be taken out to sea.  Tears tickle at my eyes threatening retreat at any moment, but for what I know not. 

I sail on highs and lows and the highs are just as thrilling as the lows are terrifying.  Can you feel the pressure of the falling sky squeezing me dry as I pray to die?

Thankfully there is a small part of my logic still intact and I scribble four letters across my flesh until the ink sinks deeply beneath my skin penetrating within until it reaches my heart and wraps ever so tightly to keep me from falling apart.

It is the ever present feeling that I’m on the outside, flushed cheeks pressed against frostbitten glass, looking in on those I love and I’ve loved and I miss and I’ve kissed but I feel as though I was never a part of that cozy winter fire gathering at all.

Buried six feet under distraction to push this ever looming loneliness away, doing whatever it takes to keep the tears and the blade at bay.  Focus on the future, focus on something better, focus on some dreamscape fantasy that takes my problems away.

How I long for a summer storm so I can cry myself dry with the raindrops masking my pain.

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